2008-03-29 - 1:20 a.m.
Wow.Someone from my Diaryland heyday messaged me. I went back and read all my old messages. I kinda miss those days. I felt such passion. I was in a lot of emotional pain. I realize that now. It all seems like so long ago. I did like myself. I thought I didn't. I did though. I regret feeling so hurt all the time though. What a waste. In some ways I feel the same though. I just wish I hadn't wasted so much time and energy. My passion gave me such creativity. I am jaded. It's such a dirty word. It is how I feel though. I am friendless and lacking the capacity (and the energy) to connect with others. I never thought that would happen to me. I always promised myself that it wouldn't. I think. There is still that confusion that seems to run rampant in my brain. I want to re connect. I almost feel a little desperate. I shouldn't say that. It makes me seem sad. I'm not sad. I am still hopeful. I still have that perpetual twinkle in my eye. I'm going to fight to keep it. In my life I always thought that I would never give in. That feels good to say. I will never give in to the apathy that has been shown to me and towards me. So, things didn't turn out the way I had always hoped. Big deal. I still have a killer smile and a need to become the person that I might have been. But, damn if I don't need to get laid.
Oh how old habits do die hard.
One Love.
