2003-12-21 - 12:43 a.m.
Since I don't plan on fessin' up,I'll confess here.
I just slapped my niece. I lied to my sister & said I didn't do it. I'm not sure if I am sorry or not. My niece is bratty & has no discipline. Besides,it is way too late for her to be up. I asked her politely to leave me alone. Sometimes I just want to be by myself. She doesn't get it & neither does my sister. She picks really funny times to actually act like a parent. She's a hypocrite. I've grown not to care though. You see I have spent my lfe being shit on & put down. I continued to stay a good person b/c it's the right thing to do. Well,nothing holds me to that anymore. I don't care about being evil or rotten. Whether you're good or not things happen.
I'm sick of trying to explain to people the way that I feel. When someone asks how I am & I say shitty. I get so sick of .."Oh what happened?" or "Why?" It's like who knows. I have no idea why I feel the way I do,I mean sure I do but do they really want me to get into it? No.
I'm achy on the inside. I think I may have hurt something from puking.
Work wasn't so bad today. I was intentionally mean to this lady I work with. Just to see if I could do it. I did it. It was pretty funny. I didn't care either. I am slowly getting the hang of this. Nothing pissed me off either. I've realized people are nicer to you when you seem mean or angry. Why ever go back to being nice? For the most part people hate confrontation.Some do thrive on it though,like me.I always have. I used to be a gossip & an instigator. I stopped though. Every now & again,I feel like I should start something. I don't though. Causing trouble takes too much effort. So I pretty much keep to myself.
Maybe I feel different about everything in the morning.
One Love.
