2004-01-23 - 12:52 a.m.
I can feel the anger & frustration building up again & if I don't do something about it my actions will lead to something drastic.
I keep having fantasies of redemption & vengence like I did when I was a little girl. I don't know where they come from. I think it's because I don't stand up for myself. I mean,I have lately because Jsun told me that I had to,or I'd always be miserable. He's so right. I have put it into action a few times.
I have Anthony worried that we are on the verge of being over.Maybe,he'll change. If not I will end it. I almost did tonight. I couldn't do it because he seemed a little sad. I told him it'd be a really good idea to call me tomorrow. I think he got the hint. So I guess we'll see each other tomorrow. If it goes ok maybe we do have a future. If not,well I know what it's like to be alone.
I'm not so down in the dumps I guess. Natalie called me. She could tell something is wrong. I didn't want to tell her too much without making her feel bad. I just don't want contact. I'm not ready for it yet. I kinda wish it were possible to disappear without a trace & only tell my mom & sis where I'm going.
OHHHHHH! I'm an auntie again! My sis had her little one. His name is Eric. My mom wanted to name him Thaddeus, I wanted to name him Theodore.So we agreed to call him Teddy. He's a cute little bugger. He's all new & squishy. I don't get to spend much time with him. I didn't think I'd be as close with him as I am with Winders. He is growing on me though. How can he not?He's so darn tiny & new. I love the little babies.
Anthony said my sister was hott. It didn't make me mad. I just kinda thought it was disrespectful the way he said it.Oh well. My eyes hurt & I have to work in the morning. I don't feel good.
One Love.
