2004-02-10 - 12:31 a.m.
I think Basketball Diaries os a new favorite movie of mine. It made me wonder what kind of life would I lead if I chose to do any & everything I wanted.
I realized I have dual personalities. Theyconflict. Probably because they are so different from one another. I have a really sweet naive side that is good & pure & has stayed with all my life. Then again I have an evil side. I always have. Sometimes I just like to see the dark side of things & revel in it. As long as it doesn't directly efect me. Even if it does,it wouldn't matter. I know I have an evil side thinking of the things I've done. the things I think about doing. The sad part is I don't even igonre those thoughts anymore. Now,it's more like "How can I do this & get away with it?". Oh well.
Tonight I made Jsun an old skool valentine & I'm going to mail it to him. I'm so excited. I know for a fact this is going to end & my heart will be broken. I don't mind. I'm just going to enjoy it while it last. If it doesn't great. However,I'm not getting my hopes up. Technically there is no hope. Things just happen. I think expectations are stupid. I'm am not at all trying to come off as a cynic. It's just that things happen. Expectations are just what you'll think will happen. You won't know for sure until it does. So why bother thinking something will happen when you don't know. That just leads to disappointment. It's ok to hope for the best. Just don't expect anything.
One Love.
