2004-04-18 - 11:19 p.m.
I have become a wino by definition.
I think I've always liked wine. It is so much sweeter when you turn 21. I have had the urge to go out lately when that is out of character for me,slightly. I used to be all about going out. I don't know what has made me so apathetic about it. My friends seem to be the same way.I myself would like a tiny bit of social interaction. Terry's B-day bash is up soon so,we'll see. I need a new black party dress. Then again I need to get my fat ass in gear. I'm gonna try to just drink wine & coffee. No food maybe for a few weeks.
Love makes you ok w/ yourself which is a double egded(sp?) sword for a bulimic. I mean when you are ok with yourself,you eat. Then you realize the growin of your ass. I wanna be in love & the old me. I liked the old me. She was cute. She was hella cute. I dunno,I'm over trying to be something I can never be. I know what I've been though.
Jason knows about the old me. Just not the whole story though. Will he understand? Probably not. I know he'll try to help me though. I don't want help though.Who cares. I'm just interested to see how this progresses.
I saw my piece of shit ex on Saturday night. All night I was thinking,what the fuck was I thinking ?
He actually thought I'd have sex with him. Ha! he was all over me,from the time he saw me until the time we left. I was so,uneasy. I dunno. I knew nothing was going to happen.
On the way to the bar Quincy said it'd be in my best interest not to get into anything with Anthony. Wtf? I'm not an idiot. He told me he knows how women are. What he didn't know about was Jason.
One Love.
