2004-07-04 - 7:16 p.m.
I have been happy. Which is awesome. I've learned how to be happy alone. When everyone bails out on you all at once, at the last minute & you can still smile & be excited alone well then,you've grown.
I miss Jason. Of course he'll never know that. I have to write Daniel a letter soon. I kinda miss him also. I miss the old him. He is different now. I am curious to know the things that he sees on a day to day basis. I think I am better because I've realized things are bigger than who I am & the things that i believe in. The world does not revolve around me so I can't be upset when things don't go my way. I can't be friends with Anthony he depresses me.Somehow he's always there. I guess I can't be friends with Quincy anymore.
I'm not fully better. Sometimes I get sad. It doesn't last long though. It's not like I have become an angel. I have done some regrettable things. I know I don't want to do them anymore. I never feel better afterwards. I want to say things. The funny things about Diaries is you write about your feelings. It's kinda hard when you either don't have any or you can't fully articulate them.
I went with Christina & Mildred to the Art Institute on Wednesday. I think I had a panic attack. The feeling was just so overwhelming. I did get better afterwards. It turned out to be an awesome day & I've discovered a new friend in Christina. However,I got that old feeling of want that I thought I had lost. I thought Jason had remedied that feeling but I still have it. So many I don't long for love.
Maybe I long for ambition.
One Love.
