2004-07-26 - 12:39 a.m.
You'd think that with all the drinking,the partying,the new friendships & even some re-kindled old ones I'd feel better. I don't.
I'm fucking bored. I'm bored with being called beautiful & still hating myself. i am bored with the dying ideal of love. I am bored with buying clothes & getting tarted up. I'm bored with meeting new guys & not caring about how things go. I'm bored with sex. I'm bored with food. I'm bored with apathy & caring entirely too much. i'm tired of my radical views & not acting upon them. I'm tired of meeting people I click with & having them be so far away. I'm tired of talking & being annoyed. I'm sick of urban culture boring me. I'm tired of meeting the same personalites just in different bodies. I'm sick with girls staring me down. I don't want your man. They may not want me. I am not competition. I'm sick of having skinny friends. I'm sick of having beautiful friends with boys that worship them & know where they will be in years to come. I'm sick of being hung over. I'm tired of wearing make-up. I hate doing my hair. I don't want to wear hats anymore. I hate smilin at work when I just want to sit in my room & fantasize about being some rock n roll chick.
I hate cheap clothing. I'm tired of Anthony constantly calling me. I DON'T WANT YOU.You know that.
I'm bored with all my guy friends treating me like I'm just some girl who doesn't know shit. You don't know that I know because I don't make it apparent. That's another thing. Why can't people just observe & learn for themselves instead of forcing me to be someone. I am someone. I just choose to not be so obvious. I'm sick of being picked on. I am 21 & people still pick on me. I am really tired pretty much. I am bored with not letting the ideal notion of love go.
I'm sick of going places in groups. I'm tired of ideal chatter,self-loathing,being afraid. I don't want to be cranky. I'd like to know the real God. I have surpassed all passion & manic episodes. I am being consumed by boredom. i'm so tired. I'd just like something to help me breathe.
"Breathe breath into the lungs of my creativity."
One Love.
P.S. Stop calling my phone & pranking me. You know who the fuck you are.
P.P.S. I am by no means complaining. I kinda wanted this. As the saying goes be careful what you wish for.
