2007-11-10 - 2:45 p.m.
I was super excited abut the fact of writing in here again. Now,I'm not so sure. I was reading some of my old entries. All those old memmories I had done away with. It's strange. It was so long ago, and sooo many things have happened since then and yet, I am in the same situation I was in when I began this diary. It's amazing. I have hit a definitive point in my life and and I will have to make decisions that will affect me for the remainder of my life.
I've gone into isolation angain and this time it's permanent. I can't so it anymore continue pursuing personal relationships only to have them fall apart. That part of my life is over. Deep down I have always felt as thought I am meant to be alone. Not in a woe is me kind of way , but in an actual way. People have never really understood me and it was easy to be label as "crazy". I heard that a lot. I got sick of hearing though. So,now I spend most of my days at school, in the library or in my room. I don't mind it and the need to go out has diminished. I really do want to pursue a career in writng. I spent so much time being pre-occupied. This can be no longer. My manin goal is focus. I have to stay focused. It's sad though, as clear as thiongs may seem and as determined as I have become. I still can not shke. this need to starve and throw-up. Beating such an illness is a lot harder than I thought. Especially when this particular is the reason I feel so good about myself. This illness(as fucked up as it sounds) helped take away some of the fear of being myself. Regardless of what ANYONE tells you, people treat you different when you look a certain way.i could do it the "right" way. I guess old habits die hard.
So for now I guess that's it. I didn't really think that I was going to write so much.
this diary is much like an old friend. We always pick up right where we left off.
One Love.
